Take me back to last week
Monday, July 2, 2012 | 5:29 PM | 0 comments
For the past couple of days, time has seemed to just blur. My internal clock has just broken down. There's one simple reason why; there is far too much over thinking taking place in my mind. On Saturday I was informed A + gf had broken up and he's slowly becoming his old self...yet, why hadn't he called me yet? There is so much internal conflict going on. Three questions come up:- Do I want to be friends again? If yes, does it make me a pushover?
- Why would I want to talk to him after all that has happened and all the time that has passed?
- Is it even worth it?
In reference to the last question, I'm not even entirely sure what 'it' is; I guess there are many 'its' in this whole screwed up chapter of my life.
There are those times where I can forget the whole thing because to put it simply, I've missed him. I can't explain why, I don't even know myself...and then there are those times where I know that I shouldn't be a pushover.
I tried talking this out to Ky but now that they're great again I don't want to put her in an awkward position. Then I tried Tommy and he's very against me being friends with him again. I wish I kept the convo because it actually made sense - not like my thoughts. Ky said when the opportunity presented itself I should listen to my heart - as cliche as it sounds. But what if it doesn't? What if I'm stressing about this whole thing, about this one person who doesn't give a damn? And what happens if I can't decide?
I have a constant sick feeling in my stomach- indicating I've cried, or I'm about to- yet nothing happens. Take me back to last week, when I was getting teased constantly by Boi, Cindy and Karen. Where the hardest thing to do was my maths test.
I wish he'd make his move already, whether it be to call me and work something out, or tell Ky/Maz that its not going to happen - much like it happened last time. Once the move is made I guess I can finally move on. Anything has got to be better than how I'm feeling now...right?
